Are you congruent?

Get in the driving seat and create the future you want.

When you are congruent, what you say and what you do matches.

Congruence is about being ‘all of a piece’. Everything is working together and in sync.

There is a very interesting thing that happens when you’re ‘all of a piece’ – you will also find yourself much more at peace, because your behaviour is an expression of your values and what matters to you.

The more you do and express what matters to you most, the more your sense of self will grow. In my experience something else tends to happen then too; life seems to flow better and you feel more content. Doesn’t mean it’s all a breeze, but you’re stronger and more able to handle the ups and downs.

Is congruence about being authentic?

Yes, they are very similar!

I think being authentic is really important because when you aren’t you don’t feel good. Why? Because you’re not really being yourself.

Here’s one way of doing a congruency check. Ask yourself does it feel like you’re doing what you most want to be doing? Now this is not always a black and white thing. It may just be a feeling that you need to get more aligned with what’s important to you. Whatever it feels like, pay attention to that feeling as it can help you get on the right track for you.

If I think about my own life, I didn’t know that I would be doing what I’m doing now. For me the journey has been about achieving greater congruence in everything I do by moving in the direction of what feels more real and true to my values. And that journey continues. There certainly hasn’t been just one thing that’s made me feel congruent. There are many things that I have done over the years. If past experience is anything to go by there’ll be many more which I don’t even know about yet.

Becoming more myself has been an active exploratory process that continues. It’s a path of lifelong learning, because with each day, week, year I keep learning, growing and evolving. And you?

What if different parts of me want different things?

First, understand that they are all parts of you, they are just different parts of you.  Every human being has this experience. Welcome to your Internal Team.

As with any team the different members have different roles to play and different contributions to make. Your job is to lead by honouring all of them and learning how these different agendas can be reconciled. (NLP has a whole raft of techniques to ensure you can do this at a practical level).

As you become clearer about these different agendas consider how you can implement new things or stop doing other things in your life now, to make you feel more congruent.

Over time sometimes apparently small steps can create a direction of change which will make it possible for you to have a very different kind of future.

Congruence – but wait…there’s more!

The more you can be who you are, the more you will feel like you have something to give.

This makes you feel fuller on the inside. The fuller you feel, the more everybody else benefits.


It’s easy to be generous when you’ve got a lot to give.

If you want to explore themes like this further, join us in our 1 day event ‘An Introduction to Coaching & NLP‘ held in London on the 15th June 2019.